What is the difference between Showing Up and Showing Off?
One statement I often hear from women is:
“Katharina, I do not want to talk about my accomplishments; for me, they are part of my job, and it feels like showing off, if I talk about them. I rather just do my job and get it done. The results I achieve speak for themselves.”
Therefore I would like to spend some time on the topic and focus on the question: What is the difference between showing up and showing off?
A significant aspect of this question is the fear of being judged by others. It is the imagination of what the other person might be going to say or do, and your imagination of being judged. This leads to you not saying or doing what you want, even as all you want to do is just show up.
But, what holds us back? Is it the underlying belief that everything related to show” will be judged as ‘show-off’?
Let’s go back to the meaning and the perception of the two phrases “show off” and “show up”.
What is the difference between the two? The definition of Showing off according to the Collins English dictionary show off vb (adverb)
1. (tr) to exhibit or display so as to invite admiration
2. (intr) informal to behave in such a manner as to make an impression
informal a person who makes a vain display of himself
Most will describe a “show off”-person as self-centered, acting out of their ego, making others feel like they are less worth than what they are, acting like they’re better than everyone else. Women often perceive this as a lack of humility and an act to take the stage with something that, in their eyes, is not really exceptional (but just business as usual).
The definition for show up according to the free dictionary
1. To be clearly visible.
2. To put in an appearance; arrive: Don’t show up late.
3. To expose or reveal the true character or nature of: showed their efforts up as a waste of time.
4. Informal To surpass, as in ability or intelligence: She shows up all the others in the chorus.
So “show up” has a positive connotation. And the expected outcome of “show up” is, that you are your best self when you are visible, you are true to yourself, you are proud and aware of what you did accomplish and how it contributes to the bigger picture. You truly make your performance and your potential visible to your peer group, leadership, and clients.
The difference between show up and show off is what is happening in your mind. The main difference is how you and others perceive a message. We should not stop ourselves from showing up and feel good because we are afraid of the possibility of being judged. It is crucial for yourself to show up, be seen and receive feedback.
To Show up is essential for your confidence. Recognizing your successes and talking about them is a true confidence booster.
Talking about your success will help you understand how your peer group, your line manager or your customer value your contributions. You get direct feedback. Only actual feedback will help you to learn and grow further.
Showing up means you become visible. When you are not visible, you can not be seen. But visibility is not just there by itself. You need to help others to see you.
Let’s face it; there will always be some, who will perceive you as showing off when all you are doing is showing up. Don’t completely ignore their feedback but handle it with care. Maybe it is more about your presentation style than the content.
The positive effects of showing up outweigh the negative effects.
The next time you find yourself holding back and not showing up, think about the missed opportunity to be seen, the missed opportunity to be proud of yourself and feel good and the missed opportunity for actual feedback.
When you hold yourself back because you assume someone might think negatively about you, when you think someone else will talk about you, then just remember: You don’t really know what others are thinking! All possible outcomes exist just in your head! Only one thing is sure: If you don’t show up, you and your contributions won’t be noticed.
Next time when you hesitate about contributing and complain about not being noticed, remember the song “Mackie Messer” from German author B. Brecht containing the famous quote
Some are in the dark
Some are in the light.
The ones in the light are seen
The ones in the dark you can not see.
Help others to see you. In my course SHOW UP! we start exactly with this topic. This is the start of training your success muscle.
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You cannot know everything there is to know about how to get where you want to be in life. While it’s possible to learn the needed skills, this will take time and likely a lot of money. Instead, what if you had someone (or a group of people) who can help guide you to success?
A mentor is someone who currently is where you want to be. The relationship you have with a mentor can be an official one, or it can be informal such as following in the footsteps of someone you admire. Mentors have experience and have gone through growing pains towards success. They will know what kinds of training you may need or skills to develop.