The Mentor _ Find One • Learn from Them • Become One
Introduction
Have you ever wished you had someone you could talk to about your goals? Someone who would not only listen but have sage advice to offer when you were stuck? Someone with insight and intellect who was there for the sole purpose of helping you to get ahead? Believe it or not, you can have this kind of person in your life very easily. They're called mentors, and they're there to help. Mentors are incredible individuals who have a sincere desire to give back to the world. They want nothing more than to see you succeed and have the tools to help you do it. In this blog, you're going to be introduced to the world of mentors. We'll start with the basics, where you'll learn exactly what mentors are – and what they are not. You'll find out why you should have a mentor and even touch on the subject of why you might want to consider mentoring someone else. From there, we’re going to dig deeper into the topic by exploring how you can go about finding a mentor, along with several tips on how to make the most of your mentorship experience once you have one. Finally, we’ll go back to the idea of becoming a mentor yourself, exploring what you have to offer and how you can get started in reaching out to someone else in a vital and life-changing way.
Mentorship is an exciting idea. Imagine building a relationship with someone else for the sole purpose of realizing your dreams. Let’s get started!
Mentorship Basics
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” -John Crosby
What is mentoring anyway, and why would you need it? This chapter is going to explore some of the basics of mentoring. These building blocks are important as you build in your mind the idea of what kind of mentor you'd like to have someday. Or even more exciting, for planning what kind of mentor you'd someday like to become.
What is Mentorship?
The idea behind mentoring is fairly simple. It starts with two people. The mentor is there with the idea of giving a service to the other individual. They will have more experience and skills than the other person. They might be older, though this isn’t always the case. What they do have is an absolute desire to help the other person. What they want more than anything else is to see their mentee succeed.The mentee is generally on the receiving end of this equation, though both people get something out of the relationship. We'll explore this idea in the section of this chapter entitled, "Why Should I Consider Being a Mentor." The mentee is there to learn, grow, and develop, with an eye always on their goals.
Mentorship is the relationship between the two individuals as they work together. It will include many different types of goals and activities, such as:
· Goal setting
· Networking
· Learning
· Leadership
· Communication Skills
· Adjustment to life changes
· …and so on!
Mentoring is generally a formal arrangement with a set goal in mind, though not always. Informal mentors often happen in our lives when we're young. If you think back, you might be able to remember a certain teacher or another individual who went the extra mile, taking an interest beyond the classroom and giving you encouragement, which helped you get past a particular hurdle. Though most people think of mentoring in a business sense, you can find mentors in all walks of life. Some areas where mentors are especially common are found in personal development, parenting, couples (mentoring to build a better relationship with your significant other), health and fitness, and of course, career goals.
Mentoring is not to be confused with coaching, though coaching is typically part of mentoring. Coaching exists to guide you through a very specific task. With mentoring, you focus on several areas together, looking at creating personal growth as a whole.
Why Should I Get a Mentor?
In today’s world, we put a lot of value in being a self-starter. After all, shouldn’t we be able to get our own lives in order without help from anyone else? In fact, there are some aspects of life where we feel like we might be looked down on if we ask for help. Aren’t there?
Unfortunately, cultural values have been lost through the years. For centuries the idea of mentoring was considered a cultural norm. One would go into a line of work involving something called an 'apprenticeship' where they would work under someone with more experience to learn a trade. This was simply a very formal arrangement that holds the seeds of what modern mentorship is today.
The truth of the matter is: mentorship is necessary if you want to get ahead. It holds all the shortcuts and gets you where you want to go faster than you could in any other way. We need mentors, whether we realize it or not. Consider some of these benefits of mentorship:
Mentorship Answers the Questions You Haven’t Even Thought to Ask
Half our problem when trying to learn something new is that we don't have the language to understand it. Think about walking into a gym for the first time and seeing what looks like miles of strange equipment. Everything there looks like it's probably good for you, but you don't know where to begin. How do you know which machines will work the muscles you're hoping to build? Of course, you can try out each machine and figure it out for yourself, but wouldn’t it be faster to ask someone to show you what you need and demonstrate how to use it?
Mentorship works much in the same way. You have a goal. The mentor has the skills to lead you right to what you need to achieve this goal. They'll even point you at the resources and give you some advice on achieving this goal.
If you go back to the gym analogy, imagine you think you have your workout regimen all figured out. You go every week and use certain pieces of equipment, and you enjoy a moderate amount of success. But imagine now what happens if you never knew a certain piece of equipment was there. What if you could have cut your workout time in half and accomplished more using that particular piece of equipment? Now you start seeing where a mentor is a good idea whether you’re working out or are creating a non-profit for the first time. With a mentor, you get the best of what you need without going hunting for it.
Mentorship Keeps You on Track
When working on your own toward any goal, you might start with a lot of energy. But over time, this enthusiasm wanes, especially as you get into the nitty-gritty of getting things done. While there are many things you can do to try and motivate yourself, you're going to discover very quickly how even these practices don't always work for long.
A mentor, though, will help keep you motivated. Remember, a mentor helps you to create goals. They also want to see you achieve them. They're going to keep you accountable to your deadlines and are there to encourage you when you feel like you're falling behind or even failing. They help you see the lessons in your mistakes and push you to try again, even when you think you can't. They'll even help you brainstorm when you feel completely lost and help you rework the steps you need to take to get back to where you want to be.
In short, nobody believes in you quite so much as a mentor, which makes them pretty awesome to have in your corner.
Mentors Connect You to the World
Even the best networker won’t get you anywhere near as far as your mentor would. Because mentors have experience and have been in their field for longer than you, they’re apt to know quite a few people within this specific field. What this means is, they can help you to make the connections you need. Sure, you can go to networking events and spend a lot of time cultivating relationships, but your mentor has already done this. Furthermore, they’re willing to share this knowledge to help you get ahead. What this means is if you need to meet a specific person, rather than scrambling to get an introduction, you can trust your mentor to get you there. Of course, your mentor doesn’t know everybody, but they’re apt to have connections who can get you to the people you need to know with much less steps than you would have to take to get there on your own. Lastly, mentors also know the people you don’t know you need to know. In other words, they might have resources you never even thought of. How’s that for keeping you on top of your networking game?
Mentors Keep You from Going Wrong
There's nothing worse than losing a lot of time or money by making mistakes. The problem is, whenever you're on the path to something new, you're guaranteed to miss something. Failure lurks around every corner, especially when you're second-guessing your decisions or working from incomplete information. Here's where mentors do make a difference. They've been where you are, and chances are they've made a few mistakes along the way. This experience gives them a clarity of vision when it comes to what you're doing now. A mentor should warn you when you’re on the wrong track, letting you know when it’s time to put the brakes on and consider what you’re doing next. Will they catch every mistake? Probably not. But they'll catch enough of them to make having one worthwhile. While it's not always fun to be told you're about to go wrong, wouldn't you rather have this information now rather than later?
Mentors Bring You the Benefit of Their Experience
This fact boils down to this: Mentors have been through a lot already as they set out to achieve their own goals. Now, when you work with a mentor, you have the benefit of being able to draw on what they've learned. It's a little like getting a college course in what you're pursuing, but with all the life hacks and shortcuts added in. It’s no wonder a mentor is worth their weight in gold!
Why Would I Consider Being a Mentor?
By now, the idea of having a mentor probably sounds kind of exciting. Why then are we talking about being a mentor at this stage? As you move forward into finding a mentor, stop for a moment and consider the idea someone might, right now, be looking for you. Sure, you have some goals when you might need help, but have you ever considered giving back by helping someone else along the way? In the next chapter, read the list of a mentor’s qualities carefully. As you read, ask yourself whether you have any of those qualities. After all, there’s no law stating you can’t be mentoring someone else while someone is mentoring you.
If you’re still unconvinced, think about these things:
· Mentoring is a boost to your leadership and communication skills.
· You’ll deepen the knowledge you already have.
· You will see things in a new way.
· You become more aware of the needs of others.
· You’ll feel more self-assured and confident.
· You’ll become more open-minded and accepting there is more than one way to do things.
· Your motivation for your own goals will increase.
· You’ll find yourself looking inward more to understand why things are done in certain ways or why you do them in certain ways.
· By keeping other people on track, you’ll help yourself stay on track.
· You'll meet new people and otherwise grow your network.
· You’ll learn better time management skills.
· You’ll learn new things.
· It’s a way to pay it forward.
As you can see, mentoring might be more of a two-way street than you were thinking. It's no wonder, so many great people choose to mentor. Now comes the fun part: finding a mentor who is right for you.
Finding a Mentor
Initially, you might feel a little intimidated by the idea of finding a mentor. It seems like a good mentor would be in such demand, it would be impossible to find one who suits you. Lucky for you, there's a lot of different places you can go hunting down a mentor. But first, shouldn't you know what you're looking for, or more importantly, what you need?
What Should I Look for in a Mentor?
We've already listed the great qualities of a mentor in the previous chapters, but the focus was more on what a mentor does rather than who they are. What makes for the perfect mentor? Look for these traits in particular, and you'll know just what kind of mentor you need.
Interest
The best mentors are the ones who are there because they want to be. While this should go without saying, keep in mind some people mentor only for what they can get out of it. You don't want to be another fine point on someone's resume. You want someone genuinely there because they want to use their knowledge to guide someone else in achieving their goals.
Enthusiasm
Of course, you’re going to want to couple interest with enthusiasm. When someone is enthusiastic about what you’re doing, it means they believe in you. They share your vision and want to see your goal come to fruition as much as you do.
Expertise
How much does your potential mentor know? Hopefully, quite a lot. Keep in mind; there are two different kinds of experience that lend to expertise. Some people have the schooling, spending years studying in their field. They know all the latest trends and have a keen understanding of what they're doing. The second kind has practical life experience. They've spent hours in the field, putting all this into practice. Is one kind of expertise more important than the other? Not necessarily. Sometimes you find an incredible expert who has spent years in the same job but with no formal training. You're going to have to ask yourself which matters the most to you. The point is you want to learn from someone you're confident can teach you something new.
Honesty
Never deal with someone who can't be honest with you. If someone is faking expertise, playing a part, or in any way comes off as being insincere, this is not the person for you. The best mentors are authentic. Otherwise, how could you possibly trust their advice as being any good?
Empathy
A good mentor sees your struggles and understands where you're coming from in life. Someone who can walk in your shoes will always better understand where they need to guide you next or what kind of encouragement you need. They'll also be kinder when they give out feedback. The empathetic person will still give you honest criticism, but they'll be kinder in how they say it. They will understand what makes you click.
Vision
How good is your mentor at seeing the future? No, we’re not talking about their psychic ability. Instead, we’re focusing on whether or not they have a clear vision of the path you need to follow. If they don't have this kind of insight, how can they guide you on what next steps you should take? Also, without vision, they can't possibly help you set appropriate goals or timelines to help you get where you're going.
Critical
This word doesn't always have the best connotation, so try to keep an open mind. When someone is a critical thinker, it means they'll look at a problem from all angles and make a judgment on what's the next best course of action. A critical mentor will not gloss over your mistakes or look the other way when they see you're going wrong. Instead, they'll notice the trouble spots and bring them to your attention. Don't confuse this with nitpicking. Someone critical also knows which things you can let slide. All of this is incredibly important, but it requires tough skin on your part. It's not always easy to listen to this kind of feedback, but it's necessary to the process.
Attentive
How good is your potential mentor at listening? If they spend too much time talking about themselves or their agendas, they're never going to be a perfect fit. A good mentor knows when to offer advice and when to sit back and listen to what you have to say.
Respectful
Pay attention to how this individual treats those around them. If your mentor doesn't treat other people well, you can never expect them to treat you with courtesy or respect. Never work with closed-minded, abusive, racist, or otherwise harsh people. Suppose they spend their (and your) time talking negatively about others; what do they say about you when you aren't there?
Accomplished
How is your mentor at follow through? If they can't meet their deadlines or never seem to achieve any of their own goals, how can you trust them to help you with these things?
Timely
The best mentors will get back to you promptly. This doesn't mean they should be at your beck and call. On the other hand, they won’t let your email languish for weeks in their inbox and will return your messages fairly quickly. Of course, not every mentor will have every trait, but you should look for as many of these as possible. You do want to be able to build a solid relationship with this individual, though, especially since you're going to be spending a lot of time with them. So, make sure this is someone you feel comfortable with. If you see red flags anywhere, move on and find someone else. Finally, be open-minded about your future mentor. Perhaps this quote from Condoleeza Rice sums it up best:
Search for role models you can look up to and people who take an interest in your career. But here's an important warning: you don't have to have mentors who look like you. Had I been waiting for a female mentor, I would still be waiting. Most of my mentors have been old white men because they were the ones who dominated my field.
Where Can I Find a Mentor?
Now that you know what you’re looking for, it’s simply a matter of hunting for your mentor in the right place. Depending on what you need, you should have plenty of options. These places, in particular, should get you on track with very little difficulty.
Start with What You Need
Before you even begin looking for a mentor, you need to have a very clear idea of what you want them to help you accomplish. Make a list of your goals.
Think About the People Around You
What does the future look like to you? One article on NPR suggested looking at the people whose job you want or who you wish you could be. These are the people you might want to consider asking first.
Check Your Networks
If you put feelers out within your circles, you might find someone very easily. This is part of the whole reason why you network in the first place. Ask around. See what advice and recommendations you get.
Research Your Goals
What are you trying to accomplish? As you research your goals, look for people who are experts in the field where you want to work. Maybe a mentor is someone you’ve already run across as you’ve set the stages for any preliminary work you’ve already done.
What About Organizations?
Which groups do you already belong to? It might be the person you’re looking for is right under your nose. They might attend the same gym, take part in the same volunteer organizations, or be part of your favorite local Meetup group.
Go Online
Finally, there are quite a few online organizations that match mentors to mentees. A quick search should help you find several of these to choose from.
The main thing with finding mentors is how surprisingly close your potential mentor might already be. Is there someone whom you typically go to for advice already? Or is there a friend who seems like they have a little more knowledge that already offers support and suggestions? Keep an open mind as you look, and you never know who you’re going to find.
Learning From a Mentor
"Tell me, and I forget, teach me, and I may remember, involve me, and I learn."- Benjamin Franklin
Once you have a mentor, it’s all just a matter of doing whatever they tell you, right? Not exactly. A good mentor isn’t going to give you a step-by-step guide to life. Instead, they’re going to steer you in the direction you need to go, but it's up to you to row the boat. In other words, they will have certain expectations from you. You'll be doing a lot of work involving setting goals, holding to your deadlines so you can make milestones, learning new things, and meeting new people. If this sounds like a lot, try not to let yourself become too intimidated. This will all be a gradual process, and you’ll be learning how to do these things along the way. That said, there are some things you can be doing to make the most of time with your mentor, things which will put you in a position to learn and will give you the greatest chance of success.
The Strategy
While this isn't a step-by-step guide, these various tips should help you get the most from your mentoring relationship. Of course, not everything here will work for you, but try to keep an open mind. Most of these tips are pretty universal and are worth trying a few times before giving up or moving on to the next.
Get to Know Your Mentor
Do your research. What are the things you should know about your mentor? Look up their accomplishments. Understand something of their background, their belief systems, and what's important to them. All these details will help you better understand where your mentor is coming from when you're talking to them. It will also give you a sense of their expectations, the kinds of hurdles they've overcome, and the kinds of things you can expect to learn from them. Complete this step before you even have your first meeting, and you'll go in prepared.
Adopt the Right Attitude
While it's easy to fall prey to the enthusiasm and think everything will happen overnight. Generally, you'll do better to be patient. Change takes time. So does the learning process. You have to give yourself and your mentor time to work out a plan and then give this planning time to work.
Accept You’re Not Always Right
An open mind is crucial to the mentoring process! The importance of an open mind is especially true when your mentor has feedback for you that might feel harsh or excessive. Before flying off the handle or, worse, giving up entirely, take a step back to consider what your mentor had to say seriously. It might be there's some truth which you might learn from their harsh words.
Be Prepared to Act
More often than not, your mentor will give you some things to work on or goals to complete. None of these things will do you any good if you don't do the work. As always, putting your best effort into this project will give you the best outcomes.
Be Prepared
When you turn up for an appointment with your mentor without having your work done or with no idea what to talk about wastes everyone's time. You'll get much more out of the session when you arrive ready to work.
Give Feedback to Your Mentor
Sometimes you're going to find out something isn't working. Whether it's your mentor's style, communication skills, or some other problem altogether, being able to talk intelligently with your mentor about the problem is important. You’ll both get much more out of the sessions once these kinds of problems are cleared up.
Ask Questions
Nothing is worse than allowing yourself to fall prey to confusion because you keep going without asking questions. Mentor relationships are no place to worry about looking stupid for asking questions or for making assumptions. Anytime you don't know what a mentor means or are confused by the process, it's time to ask for clarification.
Show Respect
Your mentor is taking time out from their day to share their experience, skills, and resources with you. The last thing you need to do is to give them an attitude. Always give due respect to your mentor.
Express Gratitude
This one builds on the last idea. In addition to respect, never walk away from a meeting with your mentor without genuinely thanking them. After all, they're investing a lot of time and energy into this relationship. They appreciate knowing you're getting something out of it. This gratitude, in turn, helps your relationship with your mentor. If they're feeling tired or frustrated, a word of thanks goes a long way toward dispelling discouragement or frustration, which in turn puts more energy back into the process.
Put the Time In
Finally, you can't expect to have a good relationship with your mentor if you don't give 100% to the process. Giving your best effort to get the most from this process is the only way to gain the most benefit, hands down.
Using these strategies, you're going to get a lot out of this whole mentoring experience, which leads us to the next point. Someday, when you're through with mentoring or have moved on to the next goal, you might want to consider a different way to use what you learned. This leads us to the next chapter, where we'll discuss becoming a mentor yourself. Keep reading for more on how you can pay forward mentorship by taking on a mentee yourself.
Becoming a Mentor
"I am not a teacher but an awakener."― Robert Frost
So far, we've been talking a lot about what it means to have a mentor and about the various benefits of having one. Now it's time to consider the other side of the coin. In short, have you ever considered becoming a mentor? Now you might be thinking you came here to find out more about how to find a mentor to help you through some goals you have. You don't have time or even the ability to mentor, especially not now. Or do you? The interesting thing is how winding the journey of life truly is. So, while you might see yourself as being at the beginning of something new, at the same time, you’ve already accomplished certain goals in your life. Some accomplishments might not be in the same area you're hoping to be mentored in now, but this doesn’t matter. It might even be better. After all, you’re not ready to teach others the path you’re on right now. At the same time, you might be just the person to teach something else entirely. Take a moment to think about this and ask yourself honestly, what do you feel particularly expert in which might benefit someone else to know? Could it be you're ready to mentor after all?
Before you decide, read through these next two sections, and see if perhaps the world of mentoring might be something that interests you after all.
How Can I Become a Mentor?
The biggest reason people hold back from mentoring is they feel intimidated by the process. They think mentoring is complicated, or you need a formal framework to mentor. Really, it's not as difficult as you might think. Let's look at the path to mentoring and see just how easy it is.
List Your Interests
What areas interest you the most when it comes to mentoring? What topics do you feel comfortable talking about the most? What experiences have you had in life that are (at least in your opinion) unique? What do you feel like an 'expert' in? These are all possible mentorship topics.
Enhance Your Skillset
In the second part, Mentoring Basics, you found a list of qualities of a good mentor. Go over this list now and give yourself an honest assessment. Are there areas there where you might need a little practice? Before jumping into mentoring, you might want to brush up on your networking skills or see if you have what it takes to be a good listener. The good news? Any one of those skills is pretty easy to attain. Most of the time, all you need is a little practice.
Make the Offer
When you feel ready to get started, it’s time to find your mentee. The easiest place to find them is to look in areas where people are already looking for mentors. Some ideas?
- Talk to your boss about opportunities at work.
- Go online and look for groups that match potential mentors with mentees.
- Talk to leaders of groups you already belong to about your goals
- Put feelers out through your network
Start With an Interview
Once you have a potential mentor candidate, please sit down and discuss what kinds of things they hope to accomplish through this mentorship. Do not think you need to grab the first person who shows an interest. It's really important to have good chemistry and to match well in your goals.
Discuss Parameters
When you found someone who seems like a match, discuss goals, meeting times, and communication preferences. Make sure this is a match too. There's nothing more frustrating than trying to work with someone who doesn't have time to meet when you do or who doesn't respect personal boundaries.
Have Fun!
Congratulations! Once you have your mentee, you're ready to begin!
How Can I Be the Best Mentor Possible?
Of course, having a mentee is only half the battle. To give your mentee a wonderful experience, it's up to you to bring the skills and techniques that can make you the best mentor possible.
Believe
If you can't honestly believe in your mentee, you're going to have trouble, and you're never going to be able to give as much as you would otherwise. This belief is part of the reason why it's so important to have an opening interview to make sure you mesh well with your mentee. The best mentors have unwavering confidence that stems from their belief in their mentee and their vision.
Create Rapport
A great relationship with your mentee doesn’t just happen. These things take time and a fair amount of work. The best mentors put the time in to create bonds that will build trust and make honest communication easier.
Be Available
Your mentee is going to need to be able to talk to you. This means you need to be more than being approachable. It would help if you made time for your mentee, especially when they are going through a difficult patch. It's these times where they might need you the most. This isn't to say the perfect mentor is on call 24/7. Instead, the best mentors will give their mentees more than one way to reach them, followed by a promise to follow up within a certain space of time when a message or email is received.
Keep Your Perspective
Remember, mentoring isn't about you. Mentoring isn't your glorious opportunity to share every life story or to put forth your agenda. You're here for your mentee. Being there for your mentee means you should be doing a lot more listening than talking. You're also going to be doing more guiding than giving instructions about what to do next.
Be Willing to Open Up
Of course, there will come occasions where you might want to draw an example from your own life. Here's where it's important to be brutally honest. This honesty sometimes means you'll be sharing your mistakes and wrong turns, and not just your success stories. Be sure to include the lessons you learned from these experiences as well.
Tell the Truth
Not everyone likes confrontation, so this next trait might be a little more difficult for some. On occasion, you're going to need to tell your mentee where they are going wrong. Seeing someone head off down the wrong path can be tricky because sometimes you need to let people learn for themselves. At the same time, a word or two now can be useful in saving them a lot of time and money later. This is why it's so important for a mentor to be able to speak up sometimes, without worrying about whether or not their opinion is going to be unpopular.
Provide Clarity
Not everyone has a clear idea of their goal. What they have might be too big of an idea, and they might need to break it down into several pieces more manageable in size. Or they might have only a vague idea of what they want to accomplish. The best mentors recognize when these goals might need some work, helping them to recognize exactly what they want and how to go about getting it.
Be a Timekeeper
A great mentor also acts as an accountability partner. If you've sat down with your mentee and helped them to create goals that involve specific timelines, you're going to want to help them to meet those deadlines. The great mentor gives gentle reminders and, yes, will say something if those deadlines aren't being met.
Be an Educator
The best mentors are the ones who give their mentees the skills to succeed. This means taking the time to teach them what to do, pointing them toward resources that will be useful, and even sometimes guiding them to the questions they should be asking.
Remember, every situation is fairly unique when it comes to mentoring. To be the best mentor possible, be attuned to the needs of the moment. While this list might guide you in a general way, trust your instincts to know what this moment right now calls for. For example, there are different times for using empathy where you wouldn't use tough love and vice versa. Trust your instincts to know what's right, and you should get along fine.
Remember, it's the sincerity, dedication, and a genuine desire to help which counts most to your mentee. The rest is just icing on the cake.
Conclusion
Hopefully, you have a pretty clear idea of what a mentor is and how they work by now. Furthermore, you should know just where to find a mentor and how to get the most out of a mentoring relationship. You might even be thinking about taking on your mentee as you give back to the community by becoming a mentor yourself.
The journey into finding a mentor or becoming one yourself is incredibly rewarding. There's something special about a relationship that is all about mutual respect, encouragement, and the achievement of dreams. Whether you're the mentor or the one being mentored, there is much to gain from this experience. Even more exciting are the changes you will see in your personal life as you progress in this relationship.
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