6 steps to find success outside of the comfort zone - The comfort zone - Success blocker no1 for women PART 5
We gravitate naturally towards being comfortable. Comfort.
Comfort is all about staying safe. It is all about things being predictable and life without demands. Comfort can be a very good thing – unless you want to grow and succeed in life. Comfort keeps us where we are, giving us no reason to challenge ourselves, learn new things, or discover what we're capable of doing.
In this blog series I will take you into the world of possibility. You'll find out about comfort zones, why everyone loves them and how they hold you back. I'll talk about discomfort and the science behind making yourself uncomfortable, and how discomfort can be used to propel yourself toward your goals.
Finally, you're going to learn a six-step system for making yourself comfortable with discomfort and even using it to springboard yourself into the life you’ve always dreamed of having. Using Discomfort to reach your goals and attain the next level of personal growth seems pretty simple by comparison, doesn't it? Especially when you have a system to harness it.
Is it possible to truly become comfortable with being uncomfortable? Absolutely!
Consider this problem: You're given an assignment. You're supposed to walk up and introduce yourself to 100 strangers. Initially, this might feel a little daunting. If you're any kind of an introvert, the task might even feel impossible. What you may not realize, though, is how long you can expect this discomfort to last.
The first person you introduce yourself to in this experiment will be the hardest. You might be unsure what to say or how to make eye contact. You have no idea what the other person will say or do in response. But as you keep going on this task, you will soon find out something interesting. After a handful of people, you'll start relaxing. If the responses you get are pleasant, you might even start enjoying the task to where the task no longer feels uncomfortable at all by the time you finish.
What does this mean for us? Discomfort fades over time. The more we challenge ourselves, the easier it gets. This is especially true when you understand how discomfort works and know the steps to manage it. By following this process, you'll learn how to navigate the Discomfort Zone so easily that the steps will become a habit until you soon manage discomfort with ease.
The trick is to choose your battles. You don’t have to make your whole life uncomfortable to create positive change. In fact, you really shouldn’t. So, if you're deciding to shake up your work life, being in the comfort zone for a bit at home or in your relationships will give you somewhere to retreat to rest and recharge before tackling discomfort again the next day.
Ready? Let’s get started.
1. Examine Your Discomfort
Before you can leave your Comfort Zone, you need to know where you’re going. Choosing the area to focus on isn’t too hard. You start with paying attention to the things which make you uncomfortable. Try looking for these signs:
You’re Reacting Physically to the Suggestion of a Certain Change
If you wince every time someone brings up a hot topic (like going back to school or stepping out of a relationship), you already know you need to change, whether or not you've acknowledged it. Also, look for other physical signs connected to this thought, such as an upset stomach, a sudden need for the restroom, or difficulty sleeping because you can't stop thinking about this topic. Some signs are more subtle, such as having suddenly an itchy nose when talking about this topic. Believe it or not, this is an automatic response to stress, where you have increased blood flow to your face!
Your Body Language is Already Screaming ‘No!’
We hold ourselves differently when we feel threatened. We hunch in and sometimes cross our arms in front of us. We might even physically start moving away from the person who suggests this change as if trying to gain distance from the idea.
You Can’t Talk About it – Or You Can’t Stop Talking
If you can’t find the words to discuss this or get choked up in conversation, this is a signal you’re definitely uncomfortable with the topic. Or if someone asks you about it and your voice starts going higher and higher, or you talk more rapidly than usual, using lots of gestures, this is a sign something is getting you worked up about the topic. It’s definitely time to back up and notice what’s going on.
Once you’ve identified some possible areas where Discomfort indicates some change needs to happen, ask yourself these questions to narrow your focus down on the specific issue which needs work.
What is making you so nervous about the idea of facing this challenge?
What aspect of this makes you the most uncomfortable?
These questions will help you home in on the root cause of the Discomfort. This is important because your approach from here on out will be shaped by just what problem you're trying to solve. For example, you might think it's the prospect of a long and drawn-out job hunt that is making you uncomfortable, when in truth, what you're really uncomfortable about is the feeling you don't have the skills to get the job you really want.
Once you think you’ve nailed down your Discomfort, it’s time to move on to the next step.
2. Reflect on Discomfort
There is no quick and easy way to go through this step. You'll have to take the time to do it well, so give yourself an hour or two and sit back and enjoy what you're about to discover about yourself. It’s sure to be interesting! Reflection is such a positive exercise. You finally have the time you need to sit down with your emotions and examine not just what you're feeling but why you're feeling the way you do. The biggest key to getting through this step is honesty, so be prepared to really be truthful as you step into this journey. You start by creating the right space for understanding yourself. Choose a place conducive to calm, without interruptions, and free of distractions and noise. You might want to play soft music if it helps to keep you calm and centered. Or you can use noise-canceling headphones to block out the world if needed.
Next, you'll have to choose the best method for reflecting. For some, this involves journaling. For others, it's more a matter of sitting with your thoughts and examining each critically to see where it goes. Do whatever works best for you.
Now, once you’re ready, it’s time to concentrate on these very important questions.
Why are You Ready to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone?
It's important to begin here, so do not skip this question. This will help you frame your goal and underscore your desire to change. This is all about affirming your decision to move into Discomfort and will give you an answer you’re going to come back to any time you feel sad or discouraged on your journey.
How Has Your Comfort Zone Held You Back?
This can be answered in two ways. By asking in general how your comfort zone has kept you from moving forward, you underscore the need for change. This is confirmation that you can't stay where you were anymore. It just wasn't good for you.
But if you can also answer this regarding the challenge you're attempting, you'll discover the roadblocks that have held you back thus far. Why have you been holding back? For how long? What made it easier to stay where you were than to move forward? What emotion or pain is at the heart of holding back?
Unfortunately, you won’t change a thing unless you first dismantle these. You will want to spend some time reflecting or writing about this topic to free yourself from these feelings. If this doesn't work, or you're truly having trouble letting go of the things holding you back, try talking things over with a close friend or family member who can help guide you through these feelings.
If things seem particularly difficult, don't hesitate to seek help from someone trained in dealing with past trauma, such as a counselor or medical professional who can help you through this step.
What is Motivating You to Move Forward Right Now?
This is also incredibly important. Here is where you seize the change and make it your own. Say these words out loud if you can: “I am moving forward right now because ______________________!” Make this your anthem and battle cry. Make it an affirmation or motto because this is your reason for making yourself uncomfortable in the first place.
3. Where Do You See Yourself?
When you reach this step, you're done looking at the past and instead focus your attention on the future. In order to succeed against a challenge such as facing the Discomfort Zone, you need more than a reason why you're doing this. You need to see yourself succeeding. There is a lot of power in this step, so it absolutely must not be skipped.
Visualization is one of those things that has gained much traction in recent years. Numerous studies have shown it to be incredibly effective as a tool for creating positive change.
What does this mean for you? Quite simply this: the more you can visualize your future in detail, the more likely you will be to attain it.
So, for this step, you start with imagining two different futures. The first is the future you will have in five years if you do nothing at all. What would really happen to you if you stayed in your comfort zone without changing? What kind of life will you be leading? What type of job will you likely have? Who will still be in your life, and what role will they play?
Chances are, this doesn't quite look like the future you really want. If not, here's your chance to change your life. It's time to visualize the life you do want to have. Keep in mind that this is the life you can only attain if you step out of your comfort zone.
For this future, you'll want to give visualization your best shot. You're not just using this vision to prove a point (though you will). This is about crafting a blueprint for the future. You'll want to visit this visualization repeatedly as a reminder of where you're going to go and what kind of person you'll be when you get there. This is quite literally the stuff dreams are made of. Ready to get started?
Begin with the area you’re addressing right now. What discomfort are you facing? What change does this discomfort represent?
Now, using the answers to the questions in the last step, answer this question:
What is it that I no longer want to be doing in my life?
You can answer this by going through all the ways your comfort zone has been holding you back in this regard. These are the things you will no longer allow to dictate your life. Now, take on the second question:
What is it I want instead?
The answer here is found in the change you want to create. Ask yourself what you will look like in five years if you make this change now. Picture your life. Imagine every detail you can, from the kinds of friends you'll have down to every last detail of how you'll spend your day. Job, relationships, and family will all be affected by your change. How will each of these things look?
If you're having trouble visualizing 5 years, choose something simpler. How would your life look next year? Or next month? You're probably going to have to use your imagination. In some cases, you might even be making some guesses about how things will turn out, but remember, visualization isn't exact. It's about what you want, now how things will actually be. So, feel free to fill in any gaps with the best-case scenario you can create.
Now spend some time with this vision. If you like, give yourself inspiration you can see by creating a vision board. Or write about what you visualized. After all, you will want to revisit this concept, especially as you work through the next steps. You might even want to make this visualization part of your daily routine by adding it to something you meditate on, just as a reminder about all the great changes you’re about to experience.
4. Prepare
Dreams are great, but there comes a time when you will have to put everything into action. You now know why you're embracing discomfort and even have a path that has clarified where you're going. The key here is movement. You're never going to get anywhere at all if you don't set your feet in motion and do the work.
Don't worry just yet. You're not going to be thrown into the pool's deep end and be expected to swim. In this step, you're going to create a game plan. You're going to spend some time preparing. You want to make intentional choices with every action. This kind of preparation will take you right where you need to go.
You probably even know where to start. Your examination of your Discomfort has already highlighted the areas where you don’t feel confident. Use this as a guide to prepare your way.
Start with a List
What are the logical next steps as you move into the Discomfort Zone? You don’t need to know all of them but make a note of where you’re going next.
Note What You're Lacking
Are you short of materials? Knowledge? Ideas? This is the time to gather your resources, so you're ready to begin. What you don't know, find out. Sign up for a class or find a book or tutorial online to guide you if you’re shaky on particulars for the next steps. If you're lacking ideas, talk to people who have accomplished similar goals and see what advice they can give. A mentor might even be a good idea at this point, as they'll steer you toward what you need most.
Gather Materials
Here’s where you take the list you just made and use it to guide you to your next steps. Take the classes. Prepare your workspace. Read books, watch videos, and make lists. Once you feel confident, prepare to move out of your Comfort Zone into change and new possibilities.
5. Start Small
From the previous step, you now know what to do. If you're still feeling discomfort, the most likely cause here comes from not having put your skills to the test. If so, this is completely normal. It's one thing to learn how to do something new, but sometimes, it's quite another to put this knowledge to the test. The good news? Preparation has already assured you an outcome that will be a positive experience. No, this doesn't mean you'll have automatic success. It does mean you have a solid chance of doing well, though, because you put intentional thought into the process.
The best part? Even if you don't succeed in the first step, you will learn something useful from trying. With this in mind, there's nothing to hold you back now.
Before you jump in, though, you're going to want to think about the size of your first step. These initial attempts to move into the Discomfort Zone should be small in nature to get you used to the idea of doing things in new ways. This will also help you to very quickly build up self-assurance. Small victories are still triumphs worth celebrating. Having a handful of success stories right at the start will do wonders for a positive mental attitude.
The key? Keep trying. Small steps should happen, one right after the other. Practice moving into the discomfort zone daily until it becomes a habit to challenge yourself.
Why? Small victories coupled with frequent attempts will help Discomfort feel not so uncomfortable. If you're consistent, in a very short amount of time, you'll discover that what used to be the Discomfort Zone has turned into just another Comfort Zone, bigger and grander than the last.
It all comes from starting small!
6. Commit
Finally, the last step is to commit to this process. You're going to have to revisit these steps repeatedly every time you push yourself in a new direction.
This might seem daunting until you realize you've already been doing these things automatically. This is why it's so important to move through this process on a regular basis. By making challenges to the discomfort zone habitual, you really won't have to put a lot of thought into what you're doing unless you're particularly stuck in some way. Because you’re going to keep going…right?
To succeed in life, you can't just confront the Discomfort Zone once or even twice. Remember, a comfort zone is a great place to recharge, but sooner or later, you'll want to venture out again, stretching the boundaries as far as you can make them go. How else will you ever reach your full potential?
This is the key, though, isn't it? You want to reach your full potential in life. You want to succeed beyond your wildest imaginings and live the life you deserve. This all starts here, by stepping willingly into the Discomfort Zone and seeing where it takes you.
Conclusion
Imagine what your life would be like if you could teach yourself to enjoy a little Discomfort now and again.
No, no one wants to live in the Discomfort Zone 24/7/365. It would become too stressful and a sure recipe for burnout. We really do need downtime now and again, making the Comfort Zone not just a good idea but necessary for good mental health.
But consider looking at time spent in the Discomfort Zone as a challenge, something to conquer, a place where you'll become your best self. After all, it's all these things and more.
In this blog series you've learned about the Comfort Zone's role and what it means to step into Discomfort. You've seen how growth happens through the times where we challenge ourselves the most. You've even learned a system to make Discomfort work for you.
Not that this isn’t hard work. If you want to use this system, you will have to commit to following the steps and putting the effort in to move forward. You're going to get back what you put into it, though, so you know your effort will pay off.
You’re going to grow. Change. Become your best self.
Welcome to the Discomfort Zone. As a career coach I can help you to go through these phases faster. Join my GLOW UP! program where we dive into self-leadership so that you stay committed to yourself. Imagine what your life would be like if you could teach yourself to enjoy a little Discomfort now and again.
Getting out of the comfort zone requires self-leadership. You will achieve more of the things you attempt to achieve. …and that’s success!
Best of luck on your journey. My group coaching GLOW UP! can help you to overcome the success blockers. Reach out to me to learn more.
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