Are limiting beliefs holding you back? I know that they have with my clients, and they certainly have with me. The thing is they can be changed SO quickly, yet we just drag them around with us everywhere we go, and they stop us from achieving all we set out to achieve.

From an early age, we are shaped by the thought patterns of other people. Be it religious values or the morals of our parental home. They all basically serve to protect us and guarantee that we fit smoothly into the society we want to belong to. But our own needs, self-confidence or even self-care usually have little place in them. The fear of standing out and thus failing in the social ranking is simply too great.

Identify and question beliefs

For centuries, thought patterns have been passed down from generation to generation, burning themselves more firmly into our brains with each repetition. They are meant to protect children and prepare them for adult life. They often convey the worries, fears and shortcomings of others and are traditionally passed on.

Many of these beliefs have never helped us, but apparently have not harmed us either. But in adulthood at the latest, they are no longer beneficial in any way, but rather hindering or even harmful, because under stress and pressure they drive us even further and make us doubt ourselves.

We strive for self-determination - a reason why many members of the so-smart.club have become self-employed. But external determination is not always the deadline set by a client or the deadline of a project. Our own mindset often interferes with our self-determination as well.

The Belief Set Detector shows you in three steps how to dissolve old thought patterns and transform them into new constructive beliefs.

The belief system detector is suitable for...

- living more self-determined

- recognizing your own needs

- Learning to let go

- Saying “No” to your limiting behavior

Three steps to more self-determination

In order to recognize and break down one's own thought patterns, one must first create an awareness of one's own beliefs, drivers and supposed truths. Self-reflection is the key to this realization. Often, we don't remember exactly what we heard as children from our family or close environment. But we may hear it even now and can learn a great deal about our own thought patterns when visiting parents or grandparents. These guiding principles and moral compasses block our freedom and prevent us from self-realization. Even if some of us think "I don't want to do it that way (with my children)" we are still very deeply stuck in the learned thought patterns.

It is not about finding someone to blame and uncovering deeper psychological issues. It's about adapting our behavior to our needs and perceptions and disabling drivers that no longer serve us. A mindful approach to our thoughts can soften our thought patterns and lead to greater self-mood.

1. Identify thought patterns

In which everyday situations do you feel guilty and think you have to act in a certain way? What do you feel you have to do and why? Identify where the feeling comes from or what belief system might be behind it.

The oldest belief that self-employed people have to struggle with is: "If you don't sit at your desk from 8 am to 5 pm, you haven't worked". = No pain, no gain. From nothing, comes nothing... Idleness is a disgrace that one must first come to terms with. Yet we know that the number of hours worked says nothing at all about success or productivity.

2. Formulate "enablers”

Once you have identified a belief, you can challenge it. Find out if this way of thinking (still) helps you and formulate a sentence to counter the driver. Similar to a self-talk, you can then confront your "allowing" sentence in every situation where the old belief system asks you to act, and each time you do so, you can weigh up more consciously how you react.

The "allowing" sentences should definitely be formulated positively and should not contain any negations. This is the best way to prepare our brain for a change in thinking patterns.

"Try harder!" might become "I'm having fun and may take it easy." "Be strong!" becomes "I'm allowed to ask for help. I am allowed to show feelings."

Formulate sentences that feel coherent to you and are a counterpoint to the old belief.

3. Ignore beliefs

Now it's time for implementation. In the second step we have made sure that we have a choice. But old thought patterns are not so easy to break. They seem plausible at first and have worked for us for years. Only when we realize what would be possible without these barriers are we ready to change something.

So, question your beliefs again and again. Counter them with your "allowers" and let the two discuss. Ask "Do I really have to?", "Who says so?", "Where is it written?" or "Is there really no other way?"

Think seriously about what alternatives there might be. Think, for example, that people in other cultures also live very differently and get along wonderfully. By consistently questioning supposed laws, commandments and thought patterns, we can build up a certain distance to them and refute them if necessary.

In this way you learn to ignore the driver and to act according to your "allowing" sentence.

Encourage yourself again and again and take the side of the "allowing". Endure the uncomfortable (guilt) feeling and you will expand your scope of action, strengthen your self-determination and gain freedom.

Learnings

We are great at building evidence to reinforce our negative beliefs. “Oh that presentation went wrong”, so that might become “I’m rubbish at presentations”.
When you say it out loud, it’s almost funny, isn’t it?! It’s like the little child that gets overlooked at school and doesn’t get the invite to a party. Let’s not make it a thing. Challenge what you’re saying to yourself.
You’ll often hear people say, they’re not good at something, and then they will share examples of when it’s all gone wrong and how they’re not good at it. It’s time to start finding evidence to the contrary, to notice all of the things you are good at.
I remember when I had just finished my coaching training, and we’d talked about limiting beliefs and how you could get rid of them and I thought it was some magical thing that I had to try and figure out. I turned the release of limiting beliefs into a limiting belief that I couldn’t help my clients clear them!
Catch yourself saying these limiting beliefs, or even thinking them, and then start to change them by gathering evidence to the contrary. Limiting beliefs are based on fear. We use them to protect ourselves but they don’t serve us. They just stand in our way and stop us from moving forward.

Conclusion

Your call to action this week: Notice what you’re telling yourself and start to reframe it. If you want more help then get in touch and let’s get these pesky limiting beliefs cleared so that you can start living the life you’re meant to be living. The first step is awareness. Here is a workbook for you to help you overcome limiting beliefs

In my 1:1 coaching limiting beliefs are something that we focus on most of the time as this is what can really hold you back in your career. Here is a link to book a discovery session with me to find out if I am the right coach for you.

Do you want to continue and go deeper? 🤩 If you want an intensive exploration of self-leadership, your personal vision and a suitcase full of leadership tools, MOVE UP! is the right place for you. Here you will experience powerful guidance on your professional and personal journey with coaching, exercises, live sessions, audio guides and much more. The next MOVE UP! program starts in December. Book your place now.

My leadership program MOVE UP! can help you master the daily challenges in leadership so that you do not find yourself in the leadership trap.

Every month we focus on one mindset topic, one leadership tool and a group coaching session. You will get a lot of inspiration around leadership, self-leadership and engineering your mindset. The waitlist is open, we start in December so that you can make 2023 your year!

Source: The guide to identifying beliefs and dealing with them comes from the book The Self-Care Principle: How to Take Responsibility for Ourselves and Live Serenely and Freely. Roadmap for Everyday Life by Tatjana Reichhart.

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Workbook: Overcome limiting beliefs

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