Communication - Get out of the female trap!
As a female leader, you may have heard yourself using phrases like "I should have done this" or "I could have done that." While these phrases might seem harmless, they can negatively impact your leadership and career growth. In this blog, we'll explore why female leaders tend to use these diminishing words and provide some tips on how to use language more effectively.
Why do female leaders use "should" and "could"?
There are a few reasons why female leaders may use "should" and "could" more often than their male counterparts. Firstly, women are often socialized to be more self-critical and to place a higher value on perfectionism. This can lead to a tendency to second-guess themselves and use words like "should" and "could" to express regret or self-blame.
Secondly, women are often subject to higher levels of scrutiny and criticism in the workplace. This can create a sense of imposter syndrome or a fear of making mistakes, which can lead to the use of language that diminishes their own achievements and contributions.
Lastly, women may use these phrases to soften their communication style, especially in male-dominated industries where assertiveness can be seen as aggressive or confrontational. While this may be done with good intentions, it can actually undermine their authority and leadership presence.
How to use language more effectively
To avoid using "should" and "could" as a crutch in your communication, here are a few tips to keep in mind:
1. Use positive language
Instead of focusing on what you "should" or "could" have done, focus on what you have accomplished or what you can do moving forward. Use positive language that acknowledges your achievements and strengths.
2. Take ownership
Instead of using language that implies regret or self-blame, take ownership of your actions and decisions. Use phrases like "I chose to do this because..." or "In hindsight, I would have done this differently."
3. Be assertive
Don't be afraid to speak up and assert your ideas and opinions. Use language that conveys confidence and authority, without diminishing your own contributions.
4. Practice mindfulness
Pay attention to the language you use and how it impacts your mindset and how others perceive you. Mindful communication can help you use language more effectively and avoid self-diminishing phrases.
In conclusion, as a female leader, it's important to be mindful of the language you use and how it can impact your leadership and career growth. By avoiding self-diminishing phrases like "should" and "could," and using positive language that focuses on your achievements and strengths, you can assert your authority and position yourself for success. Many women heard phrases like 'That's not what a girl does!', 'Be nice!' or other stereotypical statements concerning their gender in childhood.
Female communication can become a success factor.
Female communication can become a success factor - if thought patterns from childhood are broken down and you have found your own expression. Unfortunately, many women have already heard beliefs like "girls don't do that" at a very young age. It is worthwhile to work with coaches here to clear your own way out of the girl trap, because anyone who communicates is constantly sending signals. And it would be a shame if they are the wrong ones. These four tips will give you quick help:
1. NO SOFTENERS
An I would be very happy if..." - no wonder such a softened request is not perceived as such. Better: "Please send me the briefing by tomorrow evening."
2. NO FILLER WORDS
"Possibly" and "perhaps": shake all weakening words out of your statements.
3. NO AFFIRMATION QUESTIONS
A "Do you know what I mean?" at the end of a sentence comes across as insecure.
4. ENDURE SILENCE
A short silence at the end of a sentence triggers respect and tension in the other person.
Want to know more about this topic?
Join my 4-week e-mail series to become more assertive at work and stay true to yourself. Here is the link to join. In my 1:1 coaching I can support you, here is a link to book a discovery session with me to find out if I am the right coach for you.
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