KEY BEHAVIORS THAT HOLD WOMEN BACK FROM CAREER SUCCESS – part 3 – YOUR INNER CIRCLE AND FEARING FAILURE

April 23, 2022 Katharina Engelhardt

We all want to be more successful - in one way or another.

There is a problem, though. There is often a lot working against us and our success. We might have had a chance at a big promotion, but there were too many other good candidates. Sure, we could switch careers, but there never seems to be the right time.

Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is conspiring to steal your success! To top it off, we haven’t even mentioned everyone’s biggest impediment to success: themselves. It’s true.

We are often the authors of our own demise. We engage in behaviors and habits that hold us back from true success. That is why I wrote this blog series. I will examine eight key behaviors that typically hold people back from success.

In part one I did define what I mean by success and what the first success blocker is: SEEKING APPROVAL. Here is the link to the first blog of this series.

In part two I was looking into two other success blockers: TOO PERFECT and LACK OF FOCUS. Here is the link to the second blog of this series.

Let´s now continue to look into other behaviours that hold women back.

Spending Your Time With The Wrong People

We have probably all heard the saying, “You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” It is compelling but is it true?

Like any piece of advice that goes viral, it isn’t necessarily as true as its popularity would lead you to believe. Also, like most advice, it’s a bit of a gray area. While you may not need to drop your closest and dearest friends because their idea of success differs from yours, you still need to monitor who you spend time with.

The people around you can influence you, so surrounding yourself with positive, reaffirming friends is a must.

You absolutely must limit time spent with toxic people, those who drain your energy, or those that make you feel bad about who you are and what you are doing.

When you spend time with the people we have described, not only will your pursuit of success suffer, but all sorts of other bad things can happen as well. This includes (but isn’t limited to):

·        Loss of Self-Worth
·        Depression
·        Low Energy
·        Lack of Motivation
·        Emotional Harm
·        Physical Harm
·        Bad Decisions

Your social circle is important, and if you aren’t actively managing it, you could be in for some bad news.

Real-Life Examples

You have big dreams, and you aren’t afraid to share them. Unfortunately, your immediate social circle is less than supportive. Whenever you tell them one of your big ideas, they instantly shoot it down with negativity.

You have a shot at a big promotion. It will require some earlier mornings and more work, but it could be life-changing.

Your partner is constantly on your case and not in a supportive way. They aren’t happy you are starting to experience some success, and they are stuck in their old ways. They manipulate you by acting like a victim. They talk down about your accomplishments. They make you feel small. It’s hard to focus on your goals because they always make everything about them.

How to Address

Examine Your Current Relationships

The first step is to examine your current relationships. Do these relationships enrich your life? Does anyone hold you back? Are there any people you simply don’t like being around? This can be an emotionally draining exercise, so take your time. It’s important to be as honest with yourself as you can be.

Cut Out the Truly Toxic
Once you have examined your current relationships, it is time to cut out the truly toxic people in your life. These are the people who put you down or steal your energy. These are the people who make you feel small and don’t enrich your life in any way. If you can’t cut the toxic out of your life (maybe it is a close family member), do whatever you can to limit your interactions with them.

Find New People with Similar Interests

It isn’t always about removing people from your social circle. Sometimes it is about adding positive influences. Meeting new people can be tough, especially as an adult. A good way to start is by joining clubs or classes related to your interests. For example, if you have a home business, you might find like-minded, highly driven people at a local business mastermind.

Bring Out the Best in People You Love

Is there anyone in your life that you couldn’t bear losing, but they don’t seem nearly as motivated or driven as you? First off, that’s OK – if you like spending time with them, just enjoy that time. However, you might also want to try and motivate them a bit. Get behind their big ideas. Support them. The goal here isn’t to change them. That isn’t your role – it’s to help inspire them to be the best version of themselves.

Fearing Failure

No one likes to fail. It’s a horrible feeling to try your best and then come up short.

The problem is, we are all going to fail – likely a lot. We are born with softer, more malleable bones because even the Universe knows we will fall down a whole bunch before we learn how to walk. The only option you have is to get used to it. If you don’t, you won’t achieve the things you want. If you are too worried about failing, you will be less likely to take risks. Even worse, you might be too worried to even take low-risk actions. You will know that you suffer a fear of failure if any of these behaviors sound familiar:
·        Telling people, you won’t do something well so that you manage expectations
·        Feel like you aren’t good enough to reach your goals
·        Continually underestimating your own ability
·        Worrying that other people view you as a failure
·        Making excuses about lacking skill or expertise
·        You procrastinate until it is too late
·        You are paralyzed when you need to make an important decision

You need to address your fear of failure if you want any chance at true, sustained success

How to Address

Reframe Failure as a Lesson

Failure is nothing more than a lesson. When you fail, you learn one way that doesn’t work. You also learn a lot about yourself. You learn about your weaknesses and strengths, not to mention your ability to bounce back. You also likely learned a couple of things along the way that did work. The path towards failure is littered with lessons.

Reflect on Past Failures

Think about some of your past failures. Yeah, this might be a bit cringy, but it is worth it. Think about what the fallout was? Were your past failures as bad as you imagine your future failures to be? You will likely realize that while failure stings at the moment, it’s not something that defines you.

What Do You Really Fear?

OK, you fear failure, but why? Drill down a bit. Examine why you fear failure so much. Fearing failure is so vague that it is hard to fight that. So that means getting specific and figuring out why you fear failure so much. You might hate the idea of letting people down. You might worry about making your mortgage payment. Once you have defined your fear specifically, it will be easier to challenge it.

Get Used to It

Remember, failure is simply a moment in time. It doesn’t last forever, and it doesn’t mean you can’t try again. It’s something we all deal with, so maybe you need to start dealing with it. Make an effort to try new things. Take more chances. These don’t have to be life-altering situations, either. Keep the stakes low while you get used to failure.

Conclusion

Success isn’t as tricky as everyone makes it out to be. While success means different things to different people, at the end of the day, a successful person is just someone who achieves the things they want to achieve. No one can create your roadmap to success. That is something you have to seriously think about and create for yourself. However, as a career and leadership coach I can help you avoid behaviors that typically hold people back from achieving what they want to achieve. If you can remove – or at least mitigate – these 8 behaviors from your life, then you will see better results all around. Here is the link to a free discovery call.

You will achieve more of the things you attempt to achieve. …and that’s success!
Best of luck on your journey. My group coaching GLOW UP! can help you to overcome the success blockers. Reach out to me to learn more.

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