9 Ways To Make Yourself Heard In Meetings
Have you ever been in a meeting, said something, and been ignored — only to hear someone else say the same exact thing you just said, and receive all the praise? If you’re a woman, then your answer is most likely a resounding yes. Instead of giving in and keeping quiet, keep reading this article.
Even at the highest levels of organizations, many otherwise dynamic women struggle in meetings. Some say their voices are drowned out; others can’t find a way into the conversation at all. Their male counterparts perceive a problem, but they tend to dismiss it as resulting from timidity, defensiveness, lack of focus or excessive emotion.
After some research, I suggest 9 steps women can take to feel more comfortable and become more effective. It is a combination of activities women can contribute and what organizations can also implement to ensure that women’s voices are heard, e.g. by providing direct feedback about meeting behavior, inviting more women to the table and proactively pulling women into the conversation.
These changes can have profound results, enabling all team members, male and female, to contribute to their full potential.
It is not a women topic
While gender dynamics are very likely at play in the problem many of the tips to tackle it are applicable to most anyone who’s struggling with making themselves heard in the workplace. There are many men, after all, who also don’t fit into the mold of the alpha male
Whether you struggle being heard; get frustrated that other people claim your ideas for themselves or that you feel meetings are a waste of time because you can’t get your ideas across, it would be worthwhile listening to the tips.
9 Tips on Being Heard in Meetings
Here are nine ways you can ensure that you’re being heard in meetings, instead of glossed over and ignored.
Adjust your behavior and join the pre-meeting
Women come to meetings on time and leave as soon as the last agenda item has been completed, rushing off to the next meeting or heading back to their offices to put out fires. Try a different approach. Join the unofficial pre-meeting “party” and build allies. This ensures to take part in the “informal advance conversations” that men unofficially conduct before the formal meeting. where much of the real work happens. Participating in these informal conversations can help clarify the true purpose of a meeting, making it much easier to take an active part in the conversation. Will the group be asked to make a decision? Confirm a consensus? Establish power? It’s often not apparent in the official agenda. Do not schedule back-to-back online calls. Join before the scheduled time. Stay till the end to close off the discussion and talk about other issues on your mind. Focus on connecting with one another to test your ideas and garner support. This is meeting preparation as well - a different meeting preparation as you might be used to. So, the first secret is to arrive early. Be comfortable with the room, the camera and connect with other early joiners. Getting to know people, understanding their communication styles and giving them a chance to understand you, will help you mark your presence. Connect with the facilitator leader of the meeting. Let them know how excited you are about what you want to talk about. Do not wait for official meetings to learn to make your point.
Be present.
First things first: ensure that you’re in attendance to the important meetings that involve you, your department and your job — just being there is half of the battle. If you’re being excluded from said meetings, then take it up with the organizers or whoever is in charge and make your voice heard. Be clear with your requests, but always do it in a professional manner. In the meetings ask questions if you are stuck for things to say or feeling too intimidated to offer a point of view, try asking questions about what others are saying. This can demonstrate that you’re engaged and interested. Preparing some questions in advance of the meeting can help with this. If you want people to listen to you, make sure they see and hear you. Adhere to the basics of virtual meeting etiquette. First things first, keep your camera on. Doesn’t matter if others have turned it off for themselves. More opportunity for you to not be ignored.
Be prepared and prepare to speak.
As with many things in life, preparation is key. Knowing who will be in attendance, what will be discussed, and what is the expected outcome for each meeting will help you start on the right foot. If you have time before a meeting, consider having a pre-meeting to go over some of your talking points. It’s also a good idea to jot down your questions, concerns, talking points, etc. before heading into the meeting so that you don’t forget them once the meeting and opinions have commenced. When you can prepare your thoughts and ideas in advance it helps you speak more confidently during meetings. Many women I talked with prefer to pitch their ideas in formal presentations rather than in the more conversational way. However, go back to tip 1 as counterintuitive as it sounds: Prepare to speak spontaneously. You need to have written down some things you want to talk about. Women who do their homework and come to a meeting with an accurate sense of what it’s really about and how it will probably unfold can build on others’ remarks. Being armed with some cogent comments or questions can allow them to move the conversation forward with questions like Have you thought of this…? or What if we looked at it this way…?”. When the conversation advances use active words - become aware of the filler words you may be using: actually, probably, may be - drop those, and use 'definitive' words instead - I think, I believe, In my opinion... In preparation of the meeting read the agenda, work out who is going to be at the meeting and what you need to say. Maybe getting yourself on the agenda will guarantee you visibility and air time. Focus on maximizing impact.
Don’t be afraid to interrupt.
Speak up early! Taking the initiative early on will allow you to feel more relaxed afterwards, which will in turn make it more likely that you will contribute more over the course of the meeting. Holding back may increase your anxiety and may also lead to someone else making the same point that you were going to make. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Just because you’re at a meeting and speaking, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being heard. If you feel as though you’re being overlooked or not heard, then don’t be afraid to voice your opinion a second or third time. It helps to have someone at the meeting who is willing to support you and acknowledge and validate your input
Be succinct. Nervousness can make us ramble which can lead to our message being lost and impact being reduced. Once you’ve said what you want to say, simply finish speaking. People will appreciate your efficient delivery and use of time. Be loud and clear. When someone interrupts you here are a few ideas:
“I am sorry, can you hold on to your thought for just one more minute. I am very excited to hear it, but I am not done yet.”
“Hey, probably my mic went off for a minute. I was not done. If you don’t mind, can I resume?”
“Am I audible, because I was cut-off in the middle of my point.”
Different ideas work in different scenarios, unless you try you won’t know. So, just make it a point to experiment and try again.
Be confident.
If there’s one thing that will help you get heard in meetings, it’s having unapologetic confidence. Even if you have to fake it to make it, being confident enough to “lean in” at meetings and speak up will have a huge impact for you. Whatever you do, don’t get defensive if you’re ignored or shunned for lending your opinions, because these things happen, regardless if you’re male or female. If you have to present your input from a different angle, then take a few minutes to strategize and deliver — often, it’s the delivery that throws people off. Adjust your language: Avoid “qualifiers”. Women in particular can inadvertently use these - words that can undermine your message and weaken the impact of your statements. Examples include, “Is that ok?”, “does that make sense?”, “Sorry that..”, “I hope to..”, “Perhaps we could…” Try to speak with authority and confidence (even if you are paddling furiously under the surface!).
Be in control of your emotions.
Passion is a key component of persuasion. Often however when women are passionate about an idea or an opinion, their male managers and colleagues often perceive too much emotion. This is a bias and until that changes, women need to ensure that they are seen as composed and in command of their emotions. It is not so much what women say as how they say it. They need to keep an even tone, not shift to a higher pitch when under stress. Speak deliberately and avoid signaling frustration through sarcasm. Be mindful of how you are perceived and learn not to take confrontation personally. Watch your posture/bodylanguage as this will send out non-verbal messages to other people in the meeting. Slightly lean in to the table to show you mean business, and have eye contact with others. Watch your voice make it strong and resonant and try to Keep your voice calm. It can be very easy to get frustrated that you are being spoken over, ignored or not being listened to. It is far more effective to maintain a calm, low-pitched (but not low volume) voice where you can assertively contribute to the conversation.
Change the culture: lead by example and give credit where credit is due
Women need to recognize the value of what they bring and get creative about inserting their voices into the room in ways that can be heard, active listening is part of this.
Women and their allies can support each other’s ideas by repeating them and attributing them to the correct sources, when a woman makes a key point, other women repeat it, giving credit to its author. This forces the others in the room to recognize the contribution — and denies them the chance to claim the idea as their own. They can also call out bad behavior by saying something like, “John, it sounds like you agree with the idea that Maria offered five minutes ago.” Do unto others as you would be done by. You don't need to make it a gender issue. It already is.
Focus on building on your strengths. And here's a bonus tip: If you see that someone else is being interrupted, help them make their point. Doing this will help people know what’s acceptable to you and what’s not, not as a woman, just as a leader.
Change the culture: influence the leaders and meeting organizers
Invite women into meeting conversations by asking for their ideas and opinions, and give them feedback to help improve their participation. Women in leadership roles who participate confidently in meetings provide positive role models for other women. Talk to the person who runs the meeting about the dynamics in the meetings. Make your case about a larger dynamic than about you e.g. point out that others are frequently getting interrupted, that there is a disrespectful meeting culture where people run over each other or that quieter staff who have useful contributions often hold back from speaking. Running a more inclusive meeting doesn’t just mean stopping interruptions; it can also include actively soliciting feedback from quieter team members or going around the room to give each person a chance to speak. In order to ensure smooth communication with your leadership have a look at this blog post.
Change the culture: get a mentor and sponsor
Try a different angle to prepare yourself, in identifying a mentor, co-worker and potential ally. If the person is well-respected by others try to have a conversation where you bring your challenges of being heard up. It can be uncomfortable to bring up gender dynamics — most women fear being labeled “that woman” who complains about sexism — even with someone we trust. So, try to make the argument very concrete and not just about how this behavior makes you feel. Ask the co-worker if they could help you in the next meeting. If they notice the interruptions happening, maybe they could ask the others to let you finish. It’s giving them a concrete way to help, rather than just listening to you rant and giving you their sympathy.
Bonus tip: Leave it.
If all that fails, I’d seriously consider finding somewhere else to work. I know that sounds extreme, and there may be multiple reasons why you can’t easily make that happen. Sure, no workplace is perfect, and even the best places struggle with encouraging inclusive meeting environments. But if your managers and peers aren’t interested in improving things, and you feel like you don’t have any levers to help push for change, is that really a good place to be in the long term? At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter that your company is lauded for being progressive. If it’s not a good experience for you, it’s not the best place to work. Take it, change it or leave it!
Final Thoughts
Women can certainly do a better job of speaking up in meetings and organizations can also help ensure that women’s voices are heard.
First, companies should fix broken feedback mechanisms. Break the “We talk about them, but not to them.” Managers need to overcome their reluctance about giving direct feedback on this area of development issues.
Next, at the risk of stating the obvious, leaders need to invite more women to the table. When a woman walks into a meeting and finds that only two of the 15 people present are women, it takes a toll. Peer support and role models make a difference.
Finally, leaders need to proactively pull women into the conversation in asking direct questions, bringing us into the discussion.
These changes can have profound results. Just remember when you’re leaning in, sitting at the table, breaking the glass ceiling, and shattering stereotypes of women in the workplace, to remain poised and professional along the way. Don’t think of this as a war between genders, because you’ll only make the situation worse. Instead, consider your efforts as part of the culmination and continuation of the progress that the many strong, dedicated, and fearless women before you have fought so tirelessly and relentlessly for: equality.
Bias is not just about women
In fact, the real issue is “about masculine and feminine styles of working and leading, which are part of both men and women.” Men can also be punished for displaying less dominant styles of leadership, and therefore fail to develop or share this authentic side of them. The key for leaders is awareness. The key is to find “a balance of dominant and more cooperative ways of thinking.”
Tell me What You Think
What else do you have to add to the list of tips to help women get heard in meetings? This topic is part of my course SPEAK UP! The masterclass for women in body language and communication.
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